Pieces of a Puzzle - Chapter 1 of My Life

Have you ever been at a crossroads in life? Have you ever had to make a decision that you knew would completely affect the outcome of the rest of your life? I’m at that point now, and the emotions stirring within are brewing up with excitement and apprehension. With such a serious choice to make, one that would affect the lives of many people – really cause me to think things over thoroughly before proceeding.

I knew at the age of fourteen, I wanted to live in Africa someday. At fifteen, I discovered my passion was in helping the poor, especially children. I knew without a shred of doubt that my calling was to help the less fortunate.

Fast forward nearly 10 years later and here I am. I still have the call and I feel I’m ready to answer it. I’ve moved around the world, as a single-mother, working from home, since my son was a baby. I know the strength and energy needed to make a move of that magnitude. I know it will be tough, and I know it will be life-changing and rewarding.

My son Josh is four-years-old now, and the love I have for him deepens daily. I want him to have a full life, future and stability. I know that the actions of moving overseas once again, will bring about a chaotic transition into a new world. The long-term effects of moving him out of the normal average life in America to living life on the edge, helping others and experiencing the world will bring about a discontent nature in him. Maybe that is wrong to assume, but I recognize it in him already. We’re both unsettled and try everything to be content here in the United States.

I understand that being content and at peace, is something a person should have no matter where they live. But at the same time, I cannot change this deep urge and pull to be in Africa, helping the most desolate and poor in the world. I see that as the only option – I’d rather do that a short time and die, rather than live a slow  death here.

America the beautiful – I will always appreciate my country. Here I am now, 26-years-old. I am a single mother, living in Las Vegas and have the dream job of working from home. I succeeded in making it out of poverty and creating a wealth system for others to duplicate. I wrote a book to teach others how to use the Internet to make money from home. Some people would say that I am successful, or wealthy, or both.

You know how I feel? I am happy that by God’s grace I was pulled through the poverty into prosperity. I am proud that I was able to help others through honest methods of marketing. More than helping financially, I know that I inspired or sparked a hope in them, that they didn’t have previously. I made life-long friends through my work online, and love them all dearly.

After having a couple break-ins, and losing everything (material belongings) and moving back to the states, I realized how none of those things mattered. My work online stopped being about money and started being more about the people. They changed my life. But I have more work to do in my life – and not only of the online marketing sort. After recently hearing about a mission’s trip some of my church friends will be going on, I started remembering the seeds that were planted in my heart when I was younger. Before I knew what hit me, the strong calling and urge returned to me with fierceness. I found a journal entry I wrote when I was sixteen-years-old.

I joined the Rotary Youth Exchange Program and was waiting to be sent to Zimbabwe, when I received a phone call. The exchange student coordinator called me to let me know that the Zimbabwe trip was changed, and I’d be going to Thailand instead. This is a word-for-word account of how I felt upon hearing the news and getting ready to go to Thailand.

“I leave on July 14th (of 1999). I still wish that I would have gotten Zimbabwe, but I got Thailand, and that is where I was meant to be! I’m not the least bit upset about it, because I know someday I will be in Africa teaching and running my orphanage. All I need is patience until that day! We’ll see what lies ahead!” So now, almost exactly ten-years-later, I am feeling the need to move there with my son.

I started browsing websites online to find long-term Christian volunteer opportunities, and vaguely remember filling out a form on one of the websites. Within a few days I received an e-mail from Gibson, the Africa volunteer placement coordinator. When I filled out the form, there was a special area for “personal disabilities or concerns,” and I stated there that I have a four-year-old child and would like to know if he would be able to volunteer with me. He’s obviously not a disability or personal problem – but I assumed that I would hear back from them stating it was not possible to accommodate anyone with a young child.

I was wrong. Gibson said it would be totally fine, and attached a list of orphanages and schools in need of volunteers. I’m praying about all of this. I will not make a hasty move. If I feel that God didn’t place this on my heart, or it really isn’t meant to be, I won’t go. I will pray and post on here with more details.

12 Responses to “Pieces of a Puzzle - Chapter 1 of My Life”

  1. erikperozo  on March 11th, 2009

    I can only imagine what is going through your mind and heart. The best thing I can say is from a verse in the New Testament and comes from

    Luke 11:9
    “And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.”

    Holly there is no doubt in my heart that God will indeed reveal His calling for your life. I have always been a firm believer in this. If you are His then He always cracks doors for you in the direction He want’s you to go, and shuts those that He doesn’t want you to go through. Never does He want us to kick a door down. It is so ironic bc I was telling a nurse that today. Never force things where they don’t go. Then I gave the analogy of when I was a little kid and had a toy set that taught us which kind of object goes into which shaped hole. I went on to tell her that I always tried to force the round shaped object into the triangle hole. It just didn’t belong. When they do it flows like water. I hope this helps some. I’ll say a prayer for you tonight. Take care.

  2. admin  on March 12th, 2009

    Thank you Erik. What you said yesterday also really made sense to me. And I like your example about when you were a kid. About forcing things - I have always tried to force myself to stay here and live the “normal” life - due to pressures from family, society and the need to protect Josh and have him grow up with “safety” and a good education. If I let go of the part of me that is trying to force myself into place here, you’ll find that I’ll be long gone and on my way overseas! I was reading the Bible for some guidance and found these quotes: “Anyone who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.” And “Religion that God our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world,” that used to be my favorite (James 1:27)

    Thank you Erik for your prayers! Let’s keep in touch.

  3. Jerry  on March 12th, 2009

    Personally Holly, it sounds like this strong and beautiful desire within your heart to reach out and travel to a strange land and help the underprivileged may be your true calling in life. Maybe the experiences you’ve had in your life for the last decade with the traveling, living overseas, and experiencing success online is part God’s plan to prepare you for the bigger successes you will have in Africa. And to me, Josh is old enough to do this along with you but still young enough that if what you feel in your heart takes you somewhere else, he will be able to easily adapt to those changes as well.

    I think it will be an awesome opportunity and experience to volunteer at the orphanage for a few months and see how things go. It will give you a chance to experience what you have dreamed of for so long and find out first hand if you’ve finally found the place in the World to call “home” - I think most definitely you would probably know right away after arriving there. On the other hand - honestly, I really would miss you! I have enjoyed knowing you for the last few years and more recently on your blog and twitter. I know Internet connectivity would probably be an issue wherever you volunteer at.

    I don’t know - I guess what I’m trying to say is that I just believe God is pretty clear in revealing what he wants for each of us but it seems there are always so many other things going on in life, things coming from all directions, it’s easy to have self doubt and second thoughts about what we are feeling in our hearts. And sometimes it’s hard for me to know personally if I am running to something or away from something (hope that makes sense) - so for some reason I sometimes find myself thinking about the lyrics to this song when I am trying to make the best decision for me (and not what other people want for me).

    “Return to Innocence”

    Love - Devotion
    Feeling - Emotion

    Don´t be afraid to be weak
    Don´t be too proud to be strong
    Just look into your heart my friend
    That will be the return to yourself
    The return to innocence

    If you want, then start to laugh
    If you must, then start to cry
    Be yourself don´t hide
    Just believe in destiny

    Don´t care what people say
    Just follow your own way
    Don´t give up and use the chance
    To return to innocence

    That´s not the beginning of the end
    That´s the return to yourself
    The return to innocence

    That’s the return to innocence

  4. lahawaii  on March 13th, 2009

    Hi Holly,

    I am a mother of three teens, and I have been a follower of your work off and on for the past three years. I have always wanted my own website, and admired the way you are able to do so much from home. You are an inspiration!

    To get on topic: My daughter Julia, who is 17 years old, went to Kenya last summer with a group called Free the Children (www.freethechildren.org). They travel to various places in the world. As her mama, I was at first so afraid for her, mostly because it was unknown and potentially dangerous at that time with the civil unrest going on in that area. Julia’s desire to go there and be of service won over my fears. I chose to release those fears bit by bit, and allow her to follow her heart.

    Three weeks later, she returned with so many wonderful stories, glorious moments, treasured friendships, and most of all, a new perception on life.

    For you and your 4 year old Josh–it sounds more like a long term mission that just 3 weeks. I just wanted to share how there were more people who were against Julia going than for her; many of my friends thought I was crazy! All I know, what remains true, is that you have to follow the yearnings of your heart.

    Quiet yourself, call upon your guides/angels, speak to Josh’s guides, open your heart, and the answer will be there. I remind myself to ask, and there is always a reply when you listen with an open heart. If you are willing, God is ready….

    Loving and blessings,
    La

  5. admin  on March 13th, 2009

    Dear La,
    THANK YOU for this wonderful comment. I appreciate it greatly. Good for you for caring so deeply for your daughter - and letting her go on her trip. How awesome the experience must have been. I will checkout the group she went with. I am praying about everything and would like to find a place that has some Americans who hold similar beliefs - so i have a support system. Of course I’ll be working with the people but would also like to be around some people from the states. I’ve learned that it really helps to have that kind of support when you are overseas. I’m not sure how long we will go for at this time - I know either way it is a major move. I think going for a couple months might not be enough - just long enough to get really close to some kids and then take off back to America. The the longing to return to them will start and I might just want to stay longer. :)

    I have found a couple incredible orphanages that I am interested in. I have contacted them and they said they’re praying together about things and we’ll see what happens or what they think. Nairobi is much more modern than I imagined - but right outside of the city are the slums. The stories I hear of the children being dumped in the garbage cans and left in the hospitals is very sad. They even have abandoned babies wards in the hospitals - built right in as it is so common. I know that even a little love and support from Josh and I will go a long way. I keep thinking about my own child and how horrific it would be if he were in their situation. It really makes me want to help more. It’s one thing to have homelessness in the states - which is very common in Las Vegas where I live. But the people here are adults, many of whom are drinking alcohol and wanting to stay in their situation.

    I’ve had people tell me to help “my own people” in America and I’ve tried. I’ve noticed that I mostly enable their bad habits and provide nothing else. It’s the innocent kids that I care more deeply for - as it is not their fault and is not their choice to be left alone in this world. So, I am expecting to hear a lot of opposition. My family knows me pretty well and so this may not surprise them, but some may not be “happy,” and I may be criticized as being a bad mother.I know they just care. But I will follow my heart and make it happen.I’ll just first make sure i’ve done a lot of research and find a good support system there. Thank you so much for your kind comment. :) Take care - holly

  6. Annie T. Baxter  on March 14th, 2009

    Hi Holly. After reading your entry on what you are trying to decide, I wanted to offer my prayers and empathy. Empathy for being to understand having a calling and praying on the best way to do God’s will to carry out that call. Empathy on trying to understand God’s will on where to live and how far away to move, and how it will affect others that we love. Prayers, because without those, we can fall victim to our own will being done.

    Generally speaking, I believe that some people are created to live close to home, or close to family. Others are created and strengthend to go great distances and live in unknown areas. We are all created and born with a purpose, though sometimes it is not easy for others to see and understand why we are different from them in what we do. Especially our families.

    As you have already said that you are taking your time to pray, research and wait for God’s leading, it sounds like you are journeying towards something grand.

    Looking forward to hearing how your journey continues!

    Until next time… Annie

  7. methow  on April 30th, 2009

    Holly,

    You posted this at least 6 weeks ago and no doubt you have a much better idea what you are doing by now. I read it a few days ago though and feel compelled to add my voice.

    First a short intro. I am 55 living in rural Washington State. I first saw and bought your ebook a couple of months back. Since then I’ve followed your online presence a bit, both because I wanted to know if you were “for real” and what there was of substance for me. From what I can gather you are both very much “for real” and a person who is still finding her way through life. Hopefully that will never end.

    Like you, I have had a passion for travel. I have lived around the world a good part of my adult life. I’ve been to Chiang Mai (saw a man killed there when a car hit the scooter he was riding). Lived in Europe, Japan, India and Australia (my beautiful wife is from Oz). I first hit the road when I was 15 and hardly stopped for 30 years. There was always some new adventure, some other locale calling me.

    Like you also also, I have a young son just turning 4. Another just turned 6. I started my family at the age of 49 and am loving every minute of it. Though every age would have it’s challenges, I am a much better father now than I would have been 20 years earlier.

    So back to why I’m writing.

    I’ve lived an adventuresome life and met so many amazing people along the way . . . But there are two things that come to mind when I think of your post.

    A few years back I had one of those fundamental realizations about myself, that changes one’s life. I realized that I had been driven to travel. That while my mind saw the adventure of it, inside I was unsettled and always looking to fill something inside me that I unconsciously hoped would be over the next horizon.

    I never knew my father or even who he was. I never thought about it much, I had a reasonably good childhood. But I realized that there was always a part of me that was looking for him . . . Maybe he was at the top of the next mountain, or in that next tropical village. Of course there was no conscious knowledge of this, but once I truly realized it, something in me settled and I was able to find contentment in staying put. A much deeper peace took hold.

    I still love to travel, but the driven nature of it is gone.

    The other thought is about your son. Children are amazingly adaptable. Anyone who has traveled much with an open mind can see that what makes one grow up healthy is not necessarily our image of the American ideal.

    There are many parts of the so called impoverished world where most of the children grow up with a much greater sense of being a part of and belonging to their world than much of childhood in the USA. They understand the continuum of life and that their life is not separate from it. They grow up responsible and respectful. There is much we can learn from them.

    But children do need stability and soon your son will need more than you. He will need friends to bond with and familiar places to identify with. He will need to let his world expand beyond you . . . while at the same time having you as his solid foundation.

    Your son is still young enough to be very adaptable as long as you are solid in his life. And I know you are asking yourself so many questions. But keep in mind you will need to find that settled place inside yourself to be able to pass it on to him.

    I apologize in advance if I overstep, and I know that I may easily project too much on the bits I gather. I am more than willing to be wrong.

    And lastly thank you so much for being so real in such a public way. No matter where we are in our life; young, old, rich, poor, male, female . . . we face crossroads. It is good to know there are others out there with courage, intelligence and kindness who are sharing what they can of the journey and what they’ve discovered along the way.

    I wish you well and send you love.

    Garry

  8. admin  on April 30th, 2009

    Dear Garry,
    You have not overstepped anything. I really appreciate your honest advice and I agree with everything that you said. That makes a lot of sense about your travels and seeking to find your father who may be over the next horizon. When I was younger and went to Iraq I think I was doing something similar to that. When I moved to Thailand though, it was for ME and for Josh - not seeking much else. I just preferred living there - loved the food and the people, even though the culture can be rough at times. At this point, even though I posted that 6 weeks ago, I am just praying about everything. A lot of stuff has been going on and I don’t want to make any move in any direction until I believe I know it is part of God’s plan for my life or “ok with Him.” I know that may sound funny to some people but I lived my life for years thinking that I could make my own major decisions on a whim, and would never do that again.

    You are right that my son and I both need stability and he is almost at the age where he needs to start school - so the clock is ticking and I’ll just keep praying about it. I have a feeling we will need to stay in the USA for a while and he does need the stability of school and I will continue to pray about it. Things are getting so strange with the way the USA, the culture and the world is turning out. It will be rough for our kids and they definitely need stability and a strong stable environment to grow up in. Thank you so much again Garry and I hope to post an update on things soon. Take care and please keep in touch. Your advice means a lot to me.

  9. Irish Tom  on May 22nd, 2009

    Hi Holly
    I don’t envy your decisions you have to make. You have your dreams and you have your son. This has to be the most difficult decision you will have to make.
    I know you are a very special person and the Lord will guide you in whatever decision you have to make.
    I am not sure if they are looking for volunteers, but a colleague of mine has a major project through Caring House Project. He is Frank McKinny and I believe the site is http://www.frankmckinny.com
    Frank raises money for the poorest part of our world in Haiti and helps to build new villages and community groups.
    It is amazing what is out there and what help is needed

  10. Stephen Grech  on May 25th, 2009

    Dear Holly,

    On reading all this, I had to put my two cents worth in!

    I’ve just got your Honest Riches ebook last week and in fact I’m waiting for your upgrade link since it’s the 2008 edition ;) .

    Anyway, back to the subject.

    There is another possibility that can be done and that will have a great outcome and I’ll explain myself.

    My radio is always on the BBC Classic channel and for a long time it has been transmitting programs from different philanthropic organizations around the world. Almost the same appeal for funding is being asked for, all the time.

    Since the economic situation in the world, a number of Countries are unable to pledge or give the pledged funds since finances are being directed to try and solve their respective situations. This situation is understandable, if not very regrettable!

    Now in my humble opinion and from what you personally wrote about yourself, beliefs and aspirations, I believe your calling is quite clear to my mind!

    God in your life has led you in a path, giving you a lot of experiences and knowledge and with that knowledge you can be of benefit to your fellow human beings.

    My idea is this: You might consider the start up of an online Foundation to help fund worthy projects, orphanages and helping the needy get on their ‘feet’.

    The funding can be done by the setting up of online income streams (sounds familiar ;) ) and with the net profits being diverted to the said Foundation. Other financially secure people can also follow suit. Obviously, whoever pledges an income stream/s has to maintain them him/herself. With everyone contributing their share, it can have a wonderful ripple effect, grow and that can benefit more then just one orphanage or organization.

    As a Foundation, you would not have to run it on your own, but I’m sure that a lot of guru friends would be inclined to chip in with their knowledge and setup help. Remember that a Foundation ‘lives’ on forever and can grow a lot.

    You will still be able to lead your personal life as a mother and at the same time contribute enormously using your God given talents.

    I sincerely do not wish to sound like some ‘foundation expert’ or impose on you any such project, but I deeply felt that I should put this idea that came to me to you. After all God moves in mysterious ways, as you well know.

    God bless and keep you.

    Stephen Grech

  11. Jeff  on July 2nd, 2009

    Holly,

    You are an Amazing, Honest and Sincere Woman. I am honored to have discovered someone like you.

    God Bless You in whatever path you take.

    Jeff

  12. admin  on July 2nd, 2009

    Thank you very much Jeff - I appreciate the comment.

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